The Man Show: EXTREME
by Bender's Edge
Summary: There weren't any Man Show sections so this will have to do. Well, the Man Show has been taken over by two new guys. It's spliced with pro-wrestling as well. Please review.
1. Hosts Profile

Title- The Man Show: EXTREME  
  
Author: Dave Scott  
  
Disclaimer: Both hosts of this show, Scott 'Bender' Malloy and Todd Grimstone are property of the author. Please email me at bender_hkw@lycos.com for permission to use any of them. I mean it.  
  
Other superstars who appear in the show are property of the WWE and NWA- TNA. All rights reserved.  
  
PROFILE ON THE HOSTS  
  
Scott 'Bender' Malloy  
  
Age: 25  
  
Height: 5'11"  
  
Weight: 160 lbs.  
  
Hair Color: Blonde  
  
Eye Color: Brown  
  
Hobbies: Watching B-movies, bar hopping, one night stands, off-road racing, tattoos, playing pool, backyard wrestling  
  
Pet Peeves: Ugly women and toilet humor  
  
Favorite Music: Heavy Metal  
  
Favorite Food: Anything that is fried and/or greasy and pussy  
  
Favorite Drink: Budweiser  
  
Fighting Style: Roughneck or Hardcore  
  
Occupation: Hard Knocks Wrestling (HKW) superstar  
  
Todd Grimstone  
  
Age: 32  
  
Height: 5'9"  
  
Weight: Won't tell  
  
Hair Color: Brown  
  
Eye Color: Brown  
  
Hobbies: Stand up comedy, 80s music, radio shows, amusement parks, sightseeing, live performances  
  
Pet Peeves: Liars and people who don't pay with exact change when they have it  
  
Favorite Music: Hard Rock  
  
Favorite Food: Soft pretzels, potato skins, hamburgers  
  
Favorite Drink: Mountain Dew Code Red  
  
Occupation: Hard Knocks Wrestling (HKW) commentator 


	2. Episode One

Title- The Man Show: EXTREME  
  
Author: Dave Scott  
  
Disclaimer: Both hosts of the show Scott 'Bender' Malloy and Todd Grimstone are property of the author. Please email me at bender_hkw@lycos.com for permission. I mean it.  
  
Selected superstars are property of the WWE and NWA-TNA. For more information, log onto www.wwe.com, www.nwatna.com or www.totalnonstop.com to learn more. All rights reserved.  
  
Also, the special guest star Matt Skinner aka The Storm is property of another Fanfiction writer Jay_2K Winger.  
  
Episode One  
  
(The Man Show Theme plays and the audience rejoices while the Juggies dance around dressed like cheerleaders. Hey, it was Bender and Todd's idea. Deal with it!)  
  
Juggie: Gentlemen, welcome to The Man Show: EXTREME! And here are your hosts, Scott Malloy and Todd Grimstone!  
  
Todd: Good evening, everyone. I'm Todd Grimstone.  
  
Scott: I'm Scott Malloy.  
  
Both: And welcome to The Man Show EXTREME.  
  
Todd: Since Adam Corolla and Jimmy Kimmel have left, we have taken over and things are going to be different from this point.  
  
Scott: That's right. The Man Show is still home of the Juggies, the beer and slapstick comedy. The only things that'll have to go are the gross humor and obese guys running around naked.  
  
Todd: Well, before we begin, I'd like to introduce one of our staff members, Stone Cold Steve Austin!  
  
(Stone Cold plays a show tune for a minute and then rises for the occasion)  
  
Stone Cold: HOW ARE YOU SON OF A BITCHES FEELING TONIGHT?!  
  
(The audience doesn't answer. They just roar as he stands before them)  
  
Stone Cold: This is the place where men can act like men.  
  
Audience: What?  
  
Stone Cold: Kick some ass!  
  
Audience: What?  
  
Stone Cold: Drink beer!  
  
Audience: What?  
  
Stone Cold: Eat like pigs!  
  
Audience: What?  
  
Stone Cold: Drink more beer!  
  
Audience: What?  
  
Stone Cold: Look at nudie pictures!  
  
Audience: What?  
  
Stone Cold: Drink more beer!  
  
Audience: What?  
  
Stone Cold: Heckle feminists!  
  
Audience: What?  
  
Stone Cold: Drink beer again! (The audience cheers)  
  
Stone Cold: I'm thirsty. Hand me a few, Juggies!  
  
(One of the Juggies in the back tosses two cans of Budweiser to him. He cracks them open and drinks them sloppily. This continues on after ten cans are emptied)  
  
Scott: Okay. Now on with the show.  
  
Scene One  
  
(Scott is shown approaching a bar late in the evening. He meets up with some unshaven guy with a crew cut standing by the entrance)  
  
Scott: This is my friend, Jake Macchio. We're both former tag team partners in HKW.  
  
Jake: How are you doing?  
  
Scott: We're here in Arlington, Virginia. The bar you see here is called Dr. Dremo. It's a sports bar. Mainly a preppie hangout but tonight we're gonna show you tips on how to survive a bar.  
  
(Cuts to the inside of the building)  
  
Jake: Here's the first tip. Be aware of your surroundings. Look around you. See what type of people are attending.  
  
(Both men each order a beer)  
  
Scott: Second tip. When you have a bad feeling about something, see what you can grab. The basic items to use are all over the place. For example; things like beer bottles, chairs, pool sticks and this 2 x 4. You can use anything for a weapon when things are at their worst.  
  
(Camera turns to Jake Macchio)  
  
Jake: Here's the third tip. Only fight if you have no choice. Here are a few examples.  
  
(Scene with a guy bumping into Scott, making him spill a drop of beer on his sleeve)  
  
Jake: When someone makes you spill your beer, DO NOT let it go. Alcohol in bars are pricey and incidents like this cannot go unpunished.  
  
(Scott picks up a 2 x 4 and whacks the guy in the back of the head and then the camera turns toward Scott)  
  
Scott: And here's another situation.  
  
(Scene with a guy taking Jake's seat at the bar when he gets up to use the restroom)  
  
Scott: Don't you hate it when somebody takes your seat? It's hard enough to find a seat period, but when someone rudely steals it when you walk away for thirty seconds. That's not right.  
  
(Jake asks for a beer and chugs it. Then he whacks the guy in the head with the bottle)  
  
Jake: And you'll get your seat back. Now here is another example.  
  
(Scene with Scott going through his pocket to use the payphone but someone cuts in front of him)  
  
Jake: Now that wasn't very nice. Scott's call is probably more important. Let's see the most appropriate solution.  
  
(Scott grabs a chair and bashes the other guy with it until he lets go of the receiver)  
  
Scott: Now you can talk all you want.  
  
(He looks across the room)  
  
Scott: Here's another example. If you spot some guy disrespecting a woman, don't just walk by. Do something because you don't know what he's capable of.  
  
(Jake Macchio is talking to a big-breasted blonde woman in a mini-skirt and tight shirt with no bra. Scott approaches them and whacks Jake in the back with a pool stick)  
  
Scott: I saw her first asshole!  
  
(He looks at the camera)  
  
Scott: When you do this, she will be impressed by your actions and will want to have dirty sex with you.  
  
Big Breasted Blonde: Dream on, caveman  
  
(Scott head butts her in the face)  
  
Scott: Bitch!  
  
(Everyone stares at him and he stares back at the camera)  
  
Scott: On second thought, there's a fourth tip. When the shit hits the fan, run like hell!   
  
(Back to the studio)  
  
Todd: That was great, but why do you always look for fights?  
  
Scott: I can't help it  
  
Todd: Up next, is Great Moments in Stupidity  
  
Scene Two  
  
Todd (whispers into microphone): Here we are at Best Buy at the check out counter. Some high school student we'll call Tom is working here on his third day. It isn't very busy right now. A customer now approaches his lane to purchase a plain ordinary CD. Now watch and see what happens in this transaction.  
  
(The boy scans the CD and hits the total button)  
  
Best Buy cashier: That'll be $18.80  
  
(The customer hands the boy a twenty. Then the boy just stands there and stares at the bill for more than five minutes before finishing)  
  
Todd: And there you have it, ladies and gentlemen. Yet another exciting conclusion of Great Moments in Stupidity.  
  
(Back to the studio)  
  
Scott: That wasn't too bad. Well, our next feature the Juggies will do their cheer.  
  
(The Juggies hit the stage and do their thing and shaking their pom-poms)  
  
Note to the Males Reading This: Use your imagination.  
  
Scene Three  
  
Todd: While Scott is busy boozing and staring at the Juggies, for those who aren't doing so, I figured we could learn some home cooking with pro- wrestlers. You might know our guest from California Independent Wrestling (CIW) and he has made a few appearances in Hard Knocks Wrestling (HKW). Here he is, Matt Skinner! The Storm!  
  
(Metallica's Ride the Lightning fills the studio as The Storm enters the studio with the built in kitchen)  
  
The Storm: I'm so happy to be here.  
  
Todd: So what's on the menu tonight?  
  
The Storm: The main course will be popcorn chicken with seasoned curly fries and for dessert, hot fudge sundaes.  
  
Todd: I love sundaes.  
  
The Storm: That's great, but no dessert until you eat what's on your plate.  
  
(There's a layout of the table. It contains chicken smothered in flour and some peeled potatoes)  
  
The Storm: Okay. The potatoes have already been peeled. I know they look like shoe strings, but then they wouldn't be called curly fries. Also, the chicken is already floured. We're going to heat the fryer at 450 degrees and place the chicken on it for a few minutes.  
  
(The Storm looked at a boiling vat of peanut oil. He places the peeled potatoes into the metal colander)  
  
The Storm: We're going to dip the fries into the oil for awhile until it's crisp.  
  
Todd: What do we do until then?  
  
The Storm: I can either talk about my career or we can stare at the Juggies some more. Why don't you be a friend and hand me a beer.  
  
(Todd runs to the fridge that's on the stage and hands The Storm a Budweiser)  
  
Todd: Don't let Scott see you with that.  
  
(After a few minutes of staring at the Juggies, the food is finally ready)  
  
The Storm: Care to take a taste?  
  
(Both Todd and Scott try a piece of the chicken and a few fries)  
  
Scott: This is excellent!  
  
The Storm: If you think that's good, then give it a little a kick with JR's barbecue sauce.  
  
Todd: So what about the hot fudge sundaes?  
  
The Storm: Okay. You need two scoops of ice cream of your choice. I'll use chocolate chip. (He puts two scoops of chocolate chip ice cream into a bowl) Pour some hot fudge over it and some whipped cream. (He adds the condiments) Add a spoonful of crushed unsalted nuts and for the finishing touch, a cherry on top. (The Storm hands the sundae to Todd) Enjoy  
  
(Scott takes his seat and cracks open his last beer)  
  
Scott: We're almost out of time. Why don't we take a few questions? You girls in the front.  
  
(Two pretty girls stand up)  
  
Pretty girl : This question is for Todd.  
  
(Todd wipes the ice cream off his face)  
  
Pretty girl : Do you have a girlfriend?  
  
Todd: No.  
  
Pretty girl: (She looks at her friend) Pay up. (They both sit down and giggle)  
  
Scott: All right. Second question. And a real one. It's from a guy named Brandon C from Arlington.  
  
Brandon C: It's for Scott. My question is have you ever gotten so drunk, you woke up the next morning in bed with another man?  
  
Scott: No, why do you ask?  
  
Brandon C (shaking): No reason.  
  
Todd: We have enough time for one more. It's from Shade.  
  
Shade: My question is why is it when a woman wants a guy to go down on her, she won't do it for him?  
  
Scott: I've heard this many times. Women say the same thing. If you want to set things right, you both have to get the job done or don't do it at all.  
  
Todd: That just about wraps up our show. Until next time.  
  
Everyone: Ziggy Socky! Ziggy Socky! Oy Oy Oy! Ziggy Socky! Ziggy Socky! Oy Oy Oy!  
  
(Stone Cold cracks open five or six cans of beer and slugs them down)  
  
Scott and Todd: And now what you've all been waiting for. Girls on trampolines! 


End file.
